


Thank Goodness You Have a Mustache

by Sanderssidesoneshots



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, M/M, Miscommunication, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25935955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanderssidesoneshots/pseuds/Sanderssidesoneshots
Summary: Patton is going to the bookstore for the first time with his friends, Remus and Logan, but something isn’t right when the owner steps out to ‘greet them.’
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Thomas Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861846
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Thank Goodness You Have a Mustache

“Why? Why do you both need a book on those things?” Patton asked, genuinely curious, walking side by side with Logan and Remus, the question directed at both of them.

Logan adjusted his tie as he spoke, straightening his back, “I need an astronomy book because I need information on a specific star. In my opinion, it’s better to by books on the information you need because in the collapse of society, no one would be able to use Google or the internet to look things up. The most powerful person would be the one either with the most books or the most general knowledge in regular life.”

Patton blinked, taking another moment to process all of Logan said, looking awed at Logan when all of what Logan said registered. Patton felt a strange sense of pride well up within him.

“Wow, Logan, I’m so impressed and... proud of you that you put that kind of thought into something like this!” Patton’s hand brushed slightly against Logan’s arm when he spoke, Patton pulled back his hand then just enough to refrain from doing it again. But likely in a combination of the gently touch and the compliment, Logan actually smiled. 

A legitimate smile! Patton had seen Logan’s smile so few times over the time they had known each other that when Logan did smile, Patton always felt as if the world was opening to him with that simple smile.

The moment didn’t last, as Remus finally butted (hah) in, which Patton was impressed with in it’s own right as Remus was not a person to be held back by simple courtesy for the most part.

“I’m getting a book on kidneys cause it might have a picture, cause I can’t dissect a corpse because cause of ‘rules’ and ‘morals,’” Remus used air quotes around the two words looking annoyed at words for even existing. “I bet if I ever got a hold of one it would be squishy, but in the middle it would be hard, but I’m probably thinking that just cause it felt like that with the squirrel and deer corpses I’ve dissected.”

Patton inwardly shuddered at the mental image/feeling of whatever texture kidneys were in his hands. He had to admit it was an interesting question, but all Patton could think about was how those poor animals and this metaphorical human died. The pain they could’ve gone through before dying almost made tears come to his eyes, but instead he widened his smile, ignoring the churning of his stomach.

“That’s- I’m glad you’ve thought hard about the things you’re interested in too, Remus.” Patton said, his smile feeling tight on his face as it wasn’t as genuine as Patton wanted it to be. He wanted to be happy for the things his ‘kiddo’ was interested in, but he just couldn’t get the life that animal lived out of his mind.

“We’re here!” Remus screeched suddenly, startling Patton as he was too lost in thought to notice that they were indeed now in front of the book store.

_Sleepy Rainbow Bookstore_ read the sign, a rainbow logo was beside it with ‘z’s above it in a sort of line trailing off slightly to the side. The letters themselves, including the ‘z’s were various pleasant and complimentary shades of the rainbow.

Patton was the first to get to the door, standing back to let Logan and Remus through the door, letting himself go last. Remus, in his excitement, simply bound into the bookstore, immediately scouring the bookstore for his prized book on kidneys and organs.

Logan on the other hand kindly thanked Patton as he passed him to enter the bookstore. “Thank you, Patton.” 

Patton smiled wide, feeling a little pride in his actions as he helped his friends “No prob, Bob.”

Logan turned back slightly towards Patton, eyebrow furrowed and expression puzzled, “Patton... my- my name isn’t Bob, are you okay?”

Patton felt his heart clench at the concerning note in Logan’s voice, a spike of adrenaline going through him as for a short moment the concern felt like it was directed at Patton’s secret feelings on Remus’s interests. But the moment quickly passed, Patton simply shook his head as he stepped fully into the bookstore, the door slowly closed and sealing shut behind him.

“Oh, Logan, it’s a saying, well... it’s almost a pun, but not quite. It’s a saying people say because of the rhyming in it. I don’t know exactly where it came from, but maybe you could get a book on etymology? That could have what it came from exactly.”

Logan visibly breathed a sigh of relief, “Apologies Patton for the misunderstanding, I need to work on my colloquialisms and my saying knowledge.” 

Patton smiled a knowing smile, knowing exactly what he was about to do.

“No prob Bob.”

Logan side-eyed him suspiciously, knowing the repetition meant something with Patton. He scowled, though it was certainly not harsh, but just the slightest bit of serious Logan could always manage to pull of, when he realized.

“Your puns shall be the death of me, Patton.”

Remus stuck his head out from behind a bookshelf at the mention of death.

“Oh, if you do die by Patton’s puns, could I have your kidney?” 

Logan neither shook his head or nodded, “Well, I do plan to donate my body either to science or be an organ donor, so if there’s no demand for my kidney in that case I could arrange for you to have one of mine.”

Remus grinned wide, face disappearing down the aisle, excitedly continuing his search, his screech of “YES!” reverberating through the peaceful bookstore.

At the sound, someone ran from a back room into the front near Logan and Patton, who looked at the new person in bewilderment.

“I swear, you better get out of this bookstore right now Cahill!” The man had a dark jacket, strangely having a pair of sunglasses on as he yelled, much less loudly than Remus had yelled, but had much more venom than Patton and Logan would’ve thought was appropriate.

Remus looked actually fairly nervous as he peeked his head out to see who was calling him. When he saw the furious face of Remy (as his name tag said), he looked confused for a moment before getting a realization.

“Wait, _Remy_! It’s been such a long tim-”

“I don’t have time for your bullshit, Cahill, you’re banned here, I’m surprised you’re actually daring enough to show your face here. That fake mustache disguise does nothing for you, you didn’t even attempt to change your hair or anything else, though I have to say you at least tried to change you fasion” Remy said, stalking up to Remus as Remus also walked up towards te front.

Remy went right up to Remus, looking down at him as he towered over Remus quite a bit.

Patton jumped into action, running to get in front of Remus as Remy continued, “Get a move on Cahill, you know you’re banned, you’re lucky I’m not calling the police as my boyfriend is here and honestly I don’t want to have to do that kind of work if I don’t have to, so. Fuck. Off.”

Remus started to speak, but Patton jumped in front of Remus.

“Whoa, hey be nice! There’s no need to be mean like that, I’m sure there’s a mis under-”

Remy interrupted Patton, still directing all of the vitriol at Remus.

“Oh, I see you got a new batch of friends to cover for you, what lie did you tell them this time? That you are the greatest actor to ever live just waiting for the right person to find you and give you your time to shine. Nothing but _bullshit_ comes from your mouth.”

Something about the way Remy said it and what he said made him pause a moment before speaking.

“Wait... who’s banned from here cause-”

Remy exploded, angrily yelling at Patton directly.

“Roman, Roman Cahill, he’s been pestering my store and I’be banned him too many time to count, he’s no doubt given you a fake name if he’s coming here with you. Roman. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Or. I. Will. Make. You-” Remy raged, gesturing wildly, shifting back to focus on Remus until Patton interrupted him.

“Remus, his name is Remus,” Patton continued, seeing Remy attempt to speak again but knowing if he allowed Remy to speak, the conversation would go nowhere. “No, his name is _Remus._ I’ve seen both him and Roman together in real life and his mustache isn’t fake, it’s just not taken care of because Remus us nothing like Roman in that he’s a bit more chaotic. I- I don’t know if there’s some kind of misunderstanding with Roman, but I know that both Remus and Roman are nice and whatever thing you thought he did, he probably didn’t do.”

Remy stopped short at that, mouth hung open. When it snapped closed, he seemed to lose a few inches of height as he slouched.

“I didn’t- didn’t know they were twins and not one person I- I’ll... tell you what happened as I help you find what you need. I apologize for my outburst, even though I’m co-owner I really shouldn’t have been so unprofessional.”

Patton stretched out his hand in concern, Remy allowing Patton to gently rub the side of is arm in silence before he heard what they were looking for and led them to each book they were looking for, a the while explaining his side of the story.


End file.
